props to one whom deserves it

This entry is dedicated to me homie Alyssa bangbangkitten .She showed me how to put that lil pic she took of me as an icon (i didnt see it comin when she took it, grrrrr)but i look all serious n' shit so ill keep it. That was the night we drove my 2 friends away from a cafe to stiff my ex with the bill. (aint she cool?) so yeah, anywayz, thx Alyssa! for takin yer time to deal with Eli the retard. U deserve ur props! so *bows* props! See u at work in the morning! o fuck....thats right....work.....FUCK. Ok ok,laterZ!

me.....psycho...? maaaaaaaaaaaybe

Psycho. You are overwhelmed by anger. You may evenhate the world and everything in it and youbelieve revenge is the way of the world. An eyefor an eye. How Emotional Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

yoooooooooooo

Welp lesse. First occurence of the day my alarm clock goes off at 8. It hasnt gone off that early in ages...matter o' fact, I had to clear sum dust off it. Heh. I set it cause I was supposed to call my Bren but then the very dramatic.....me reaching for the phone...falling off the bed and thinking....Brenna....must....call.....ugh. *passed out* lol. So that was that, then she called me at 12 and told me that we aint goin to the beach with her dad. (slight sigh of relif)Then offered me to go to best buy ( o.O ) then on to lunch. In all honesty at first I was hesitant but everyday I spend with her....it seems the stronger i feel for her. Brenna, I do love u. We waited at her house for a lil after best buy and watched sum coolness on da tv. But she tends to distract me very well, even without tryin *grin*So that was great, such a simple thing was so wonderful. I guess as long as I'm with Bren, nothing matters. Then finally we went to eat with her "mutter" and her friend. Me and Bren had our own table. I kept hissin at sum dude that I thought she was eyein'....me, jelouse? naaaaaah. I was tempted to stab him with a fork but Brenna calmed me down a tad. After we ate, we talked for a while...got bored and then went and waited in the car. *grin grin* We drew on the fogged up windows and wrote shit (Bren's really good at writing backwards....Bren, yer goin places! lol) And we had our fair share of intimate moments....god damn Bren, yer such a turn on. (sorry to all the kiddies with the virgin eyes)So um yeah, then eventually and unfortunalty....her mutter came back. Then back to Brens pad and we watched monsters inc. (....) It was pretty cool, a nice change from watchin the war constantly but even better was the quality time me and my love spent together. Alil paranoia (SP?) knowing her mom was in the other room. But I think we did rather well :D Soooooooo anyways, im finally home, watchin six feet under (awsome show)and i think ima go out n chill with sum peeps tonight. Brenna, (jeez, do i mention u enough??) I'm so glad I decided to tag along with u. And your mom aint that bad either, shes cool. I'll write more when i get back about wtf ima end up doin. Lata.

Why not....another entry....in deep thought

I'm not sure what triggered my mood right now....maybe just layin on my dads car starin blankly into the sky. I look back at my past and my present. Of course when thinkin about ones past, u think about the good and the bad....and whats so fuckin good about now. Well, the days of old...non stop partying and good times...sure, they may of been cheap thrills...u know...gettin high or drunk with a handful of your closest friends and skippin school with everyone and do it all over again. This may not sound like fun to most but to me....back then....that was my life. The life I loved. Well, in high school thats how it was. I think its truly time to grow up and move away from the past after u get out of high school....whether it be droppin out (i'll regret it till the day i die) Or graduating. When your in school...your more sheltered and so used to the routine. Your always doing something...which I suppose is a positvie thing, but its when u have nothing to do with your time that u make the biggest desicions (odd isnt it?)cause u have nothing but time to think...which isnt always a good thing, belive me. I have a handful of friends who refuse to grow up or stop the "routine" which for us was the partying or whatever...unfortunatly its not just about the weed anymore. They've "evolved". No need to go into detail...but its sad. Its there way of clinging on to the past. But will they ever realize that there is no future in what they do with themselves. Its to fuckin bad for me that I realized all this after i dropped out and went through a long year (and change) of my own personal hell. The temptation of the past is always there and always I'd say...the easier to deal with. Then theres the fear and uncertainity of the future. Which making that more clear would definitly be the best choice...securing a future for yourself. Which is most important at my age....cause its not to late. But just as they say..."ignorance is bliss"...its more of a sheild that one puts up out of fear. Like my friends....they are choosing to stay ignorant (atleast my old ones that I've known the longest)because they fear the future. So they just dont deal with it. Even though I have moved on from them....found new friends, got a steady job (as long as I don't get caught buckin booze from the stock room)and a girlfriend who says she loves me. And this takes me to a whole other topic. Does she mean it? Or does she thinks she means it cause I'm the nicest guy shes ever been out with? (I know u think u mean it Brenna....but I really want u to dig down deep and think about that)Like i told u b4, I take that word very seriously and its not a word to just throw around. If this is making u wonder if i love u...don't even bother thinking twice....i won't lie, u r by far the best thing in my life. So u have my heart in your hands pretty much. But just because I feel that way doesnt make u obligated to. Just think about it alittle, thats all I'm asking. Where am I going with all this...? Not a clue, I'm half asleep, its past 4am and I just did a whole lotta thinkin that came out better in my mind than in words. Somethings are just not possiable to describe in words what u feel inside, ya know? I think I'll continue this entry tommorow...more about everything going on inside instead of talking about everything going on outside....u know? I think I need to think more about whats goin on in my heart and mind then what I did today or what I'm doing tommorow. I'm 18 and out of school....still workin on gettin a diploma(yes diploma...nationaly acredited by collages and magnet programs and has the fucking name of the school on it)but i'm drawing ever so near to adulthood. I need to start acting on securing myself a future instead of thinkin about what im gunn do to entertain myself the next day. I shoulda come to this conclusion a while ago but like they say...no time like the present. Goals:1st and formost, get my mother fuckin diploma and make my father proud of me like he deservesGod damn drivers license to...ya know...expand my horizons, hehSpend more time with Brenna so I can find out if this is actually love we feel and not infatuationLearn how to fuckin skim board without fallin (lol, i really wanna get good at this)Truly enjoy life before my hasty desicion of going into the Marines...which I'm hellbent on doin(and oddly enough...hoping that the war is still on after trainning...dont ask..)Collage....and STICKIN WITH ITOnce I get through all that, heh, I'll have plenty of time to figure out what carrer I want. Wow, odd entry, huh? ok well...I will continue this later. Almost 5 in the morning...time to sleep.

An absolutly great day

Well lesse. Origianlly I had this plan of havin sum perfect romantic date but I'm not the best of planners. Plus when Bren's finally ready, i didnt even have a fuckin ride ready. So i made about 5 calls b4 i finnaly found a bitch. (hehe, thx Juan, I owe ya)So anywayz, when i finally had her over....i was like.....uhhhhhh. Pulp Fiction? :D So I put that on but we were to busy talkin so I was like, fuck it, and turned off the flick. So me and my love talked for a while and.........got along rather well. Brenn, I know yer readin this....i want u to know just how much u mean to me. Sumtimes, words just can't describe how I'm feelin inside. So forive me if i get repetitive when I constantly tell u how beautiful u r, how much I love u and all the other stuff I say( u know) So, i'm pretty worn out. I think ima sleep now. Besides, the earlier i sleep, the sooner i can talk to u. Lookin foward to seein u again. I love u X10.O and....my parents adore u. Don't u worry. My mom hates my guts tho, lol. Sayz I'm evil. My dad's gunna get me a lock for the door. *grin* ok ok. Nite all.

Right before fuckin work

I dun wanna go to work, i dun wanna!!!!!!!!!! but wait! there is light at the end of the tunnel. Whats this u say? Brenna may be going to the cafe next to my work?? And to sing?! (must sneak out of work to watch) Ok, so that makes Eli happy. As for my day in a nutshell. Beach with Oscar, Derick, Tracy, Britney, Angela and the rest were just blah.They were to, um..happy, and they talked funny. So i kept my distance. But all n' all I had fun like I always do and busted me arse hard after fallin many a time after jumpin on me skim board.Had a cool long convo with the peeps mentioned above. After that we decided to bury jelly fish. I'm TIRED and REALLY don't want to go to work now but Brenna MIGHT be there so with that hope, I'll go to work....as if i had a choice. But I do hope to see Brenna. Ok ok, times a wastin, gotta shower and catch the mofoin' bus.

Drunk at 2 am

Well, ain't nothin better than bein drunk at fuckin 2 in the god damn morning,right? so yeah, I got home from work and me n' my boy from work decided to throw back a few. At first i wasnt gunna, but i was like, well...I cant talk to Brenna tonight (which slightly bothered me, but i know it aint her fault) so yeah, we drank. So here i am a few moments later....drunk no less. And I got a long early day tommorow no less but fuck it. I'll be gettin like 3 calls so im bound to get the fuck up. My boy Oscar and Derick from work invited me to the beach again to go skim boardin with a bunch of chix i dont know. I've met 4 of em last time i went to the beach which was about 2 weeks ago now. They seem kinda...o i dunno....ya know the thug wannabe chix type? yeah, thats them. So for pure amusement I figure why not. Besides, its better then stayin at home watchin the news all fuckin day. right? so after that Oscar's gunna get me to work on time so no public tranportation for me, yay! I gave my friends from work this lil live journal address, so if ya'll readin it now, wassssssssssssssssup! but anywayz, I decided to invite another friend that doesnt get out much for his sake cause hes been kinda down. So, um yeah.I got a long day ahead of me. If i am not able to talk to Bren tommorow AGAIN, Eli will be mad. But Eli will not dial the wrong number this time, lol. I was fuckin 1 digit off....and i kept gettin a phone sex line!!! I was like....WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK! I coulda swore that was the number so i was so confuzzled but then when i got home from work and saw what the number was i wantin to smack myself on the head. All my friends from work were like, maybe shes not tellin u sumthin, even my manager was like "maybe its an omen". I was like, what the fuck r u talkin about? but anywayz, besides my busy day tommorow, my most important priority is to TALK to Brenna. Ok, well....its fuckin 2:15 in the morning and my friends r gunna call me early so i best get to bed. (thinkin of u my love) And damn'it i miss u. Talk to u later.