a break

Well, after work yesterday I went home and was there for no more than 1 min, then I got a call from Bren while I was sprawled out face down on the living room floor. First off, work was cool. Wish I could say the same for Alyssa and Jackie tho. Alyssa got a real bicthin, as did i but I took it alil better. And Jackie got fired and she cried hysterically. She asked for my number and ran off. Instead of workin the ring, i worked the front. Which sucked BUT made time go alot faster and my managers actually complimented me on my preformance. !?!?!?! thats rare. But anywho, it was the final work day of my full working week. Thank god I can finally just relax alil. Anywayz, I went with Brenna and her mom which wasn't kosher on my part for a number of reaons. 1: I promised Heather I'd take her out for her birthday 2:my grandma who is leaving soon prepared a feast for me 3:i wanted alil rest before i did anthing cause I was tired and grumpy.4:I was invited to go bowling with a bunch of people from work and said I would be home to take the call. But I didnt tell Brenna because I felt I'd make her mad. That was stupid on my part, shes not obsessive or anything so she wouldnt flip so i shoulda just spit it out. As Alyssa said to me..."grow sum balls". So from now on, I'll say what I feel when I feel it cause if i don't speak up I won't have the best time. Hanging out with Bren wasnt a disaster but I should of been else where and with that guilt in my head the whole time I was pretty bitter. But kept that inside. So when I got the ride home I kinda let it out the wrong way at Brenna. I misworded what was wrong but totally fucked that up. Later I explained and apologized. All is well. That fear is growing tho...the fear that she doesnt feel the same about me anymore but this is the type of paranio shit that I think up all the time cause I'm stupid like that. I sumtimes think I don't make her happy, bu how can I when I don't open up to her? So live and learn. I am looking foward to the next time I see her. As of now, who knows what i'll do. School work n' study the drivers book and maybe even take a spin. Thats all for now.

The day didnt turn out so damn bad after all

Work was dramatic as always but cool at the same time. Me and Bud had alot of laughs together. We were friggin insane, lol. "Damn that fisher price bus! zoinks!" with our combined efforts we were able to destroy a kiddie toy. Hehe, hey! that was one tough ass toy dude! it took like 20+ stabs with a screwdriver to kill it! and I destroyed the jazzersize ladies stupid lil green box full of there shit cause I found out its been them throwin our skates on the floor. And we get in trouble for that. Me and Stacy got in ANOTHER HUGE argument but in the end as always we settled it. I don't like that girl, but i can't hate her either. All in all, over all today was good. Ok, maybe I flipped alil over the whole thing with Matt. In all honesty, I trust Brenna and love her to death. And I feel there is no competition between us. Espeacially after me and her hung out today. After me and her spend time together I feel so....rejuvenated. Its a wonderful feeling. Its amazing how much I love her. No reason to get into details but we had a great time...talking and otherwise. And my family adores her and my grandmother says shes very pretty. I was like, PRETTY? thats an understatment!

fighting urge to kill

Talking to Matt, (soooo happy to have my right hand man back, Awwwwww yeaaah, my boy rox hardcore. When I get up to NY, or he comes back down here, watch out we'll take you all out.)That would be my girlfriend talkin. Then I read her comments sum if the shit that Matt fellow said. Fighting urge to kill. Am I just being stupid to be jelouse? I trust her but of course this shits gunna bother me. I'll speak more of my day later. Not in the best mood at the moment.

intersesting, fun and depressing...those words describe my day

It was another long day at work.....another day of busting my ass. I havent worked a friday in a long time and forgotten how god damn busy it gets, and how many lil fuckin jits that try so hard to act older than they really are show up. Yet they have no idea. But I guess thats normal for kids around that age to act like that. It makes me angry tho. But it is not my life, MY LIFE and the lives of the ones I care about are the only ones I should be lookin after. But its in my face every weekend. Girls no older than 14 hookin up with scum bags that are like 20. It makes me sick....sick that the ones that are older take advantage of the ones that admire us. "The older generation" . We know the real world, is it us...the older guys that are just as guilty as the young girls that throw themselves at us? Is it that they want to escape the real world? or are they truly that dark and cold inside that they just want a "young peice of ass"? Humanity...it can sicken me to the point i just want to lash out. But it is not my bussiness to stop humanity....after all....we are the "Home of the Free"...right? This is what upset me today. I've been workin at Kabooms for 3 years now....3 FUCKIN YEARS. I watched sum of these girls grow up and go from innocence to....what they are now. Trying so hard to rush through life, and experience things they are trully not ready for. I won't lie...there are girls that, of course younger than myself that try and throw themselves at me or hit on me. It just makes me so angry inside...not flattered....far from that. Thats what my friend said I should take it as. I was like..WHAT? Does age trully bring corruption? Is it true that the older you grow the colder you grow? I don't want that to be the case. For anyone. When these stupid girls that everyone calls hoes (cause they do act like it) come up to me, I stray from the topic at hand,which is her tryin to put the moves on me and I ask her...."I'm 18 years old...your like what? 14...15? Why do you do this to yourself? Your lucky I'm not sum fuckin child molester that would take advantage of u". I guess I'd go into sum lecture, sum seem to actually think about it...a sign that they feel some what guilty about some of the things they've done or do. And others just give me the big "whatever". Its not my job to save lives or teach them lessons they will unfortuntly learn on there own if they keep on that path. One day they will understand that growing up is not as..i dunno how the fuck they see it....cool? as it seems. I could never understand why youn girls love the older guys. Its not cause of there maturity, i'll tell u that much. I dunno...this all justbothered me today watching some of the events that occured today with younger girls and guys much to old for them. And sum of the fuckin employees that i work with actually don't give a fuck. One kid i work with was like..."fuck yeah I'd tap that, that girl must be tight." I just looked at him in utter disgust and said get the fuck away from me. Maybe not everyone understands...but of course everyone has there own take on how they veiw the world. I guess some people are trully down to the core...bad. Well, that was my depressed portion of the day...that and wanting so bad for Brenna to come see me. To remind me that there is good in this world...cause thats how i see her. Everything I want in a girl. She has not lost her innocense even tho she has seen what innocense lost looks like. Shes seen the drugs and what they do to peoples lives. And I admire her so much for not giving in.....like i did back when I was in her position. Ya know, with the temptation there...but she never gave in...she stayed strong. And she deserves so much happiness in her life for being simply who she is. And shes always been true to herself. God I love that girl. True, I do belive she still has alot to learn. I mean...after high school...life is so different. Its more of a huge reality check. But atleast shes going through it the right way, shes so smart and I know shes gunna do so well with herself after school. Cause she actually cares about her grades and isnt distracted...like I was. But I dunno, I was just gettin so mad with some of the people at kabooms today that I just wanted to see her...even for a minute. Thats all it takes with her....time stops when I see her. Life is not ugly anymore. I wanted to just walk out of work and find her and just kiss her....cause I can't even describe the feeling when we kiss. Its just blissful. Its also a reminder that life is beautiful. Now I'm alil more upset cause I just read in her journal that she thinks her weekend is gunna suck......how can she say that when shes going to see me tommorow. It hurt me. I just called her but shes prolly asleep now...like I should be...cause I gotta go back to work way early tommorow. But o well. I just hope everything is ok and that were still up for tommorow. Cause I....need to see her again. After talkin about all this I dont really feel like talkin about the good parts of the day so I'll just sum it up. Enjoyed my time with my friends and I loved gettin lost in the music and just skating to it. I was able to squash sum uneeded beef with someone so that was alil weight off my shoulders. Made a new friend, and I always treasure that, cause nowadays it seems like its alil harder than it used to be. I had a nice talk with my friend about sum shit and that cheered me up a bit. But thats all. I guess thats enough, it is gettin a tad late and I wanna be able to wake up in the morning so I can get to work on time. Goodnight to all. And as for the person that replies to my entries that doesnt leave a name. Please tell me who you are. Your words seems so sincere and you seem to see the world as I do. I don't like this whole hidden identity crap. Just please tell me. I have an idea but I don't want to say names and be wrong. Thats all.

b4 work

WElp, I woke up not to long ago. I finally went out lastnight and hung out with my "old crew". Can't say I expected much more....nothing has changed. Nothing at all. They get high and play a fighting game over and over again. Sure we talked n' shit but....I just can't stand them anymore. I mean, they will always be my friends I guess....but it looks like I'm truly gunna hafta leave them in the past. I thought about all this while I was drinking behind Tony n' TJ while they played Guilty Gear XX for atleast 4 hours. Or more. It was on when I arrived, and was on when I left. I kept icthing to call Brenna but Kenny too was not interested in the game so he stayed on is computer the whole time. So I was upset cause I promised her I would...an I told them that but I got no response. Fuck them. They ain't going anywhere with there lives. I WON'T be like them. I WON'T. Unless they get the fuck outta that house and ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING, they won't be seeing my face for a while. It makes me fustrated thinkin about it. But I have already moved on...its just now this is prooof positive that these people I've know since high school....r doing the same fucking thing they've always done...and I'm tired of it. I woulda left earlier but I did not feel like riding my bike through Western Hills at 2am. So I waited till Tony decided to leave so I could get a ride. I got home and passed out. Brenna, I'm sorry. I will make it up to u tommorow when I see u. I'm still hopin that u may pay me a visit today at work but I am kinda doubtin it. Well, thats all for now.

hectic day....the work never stops

Ugh, camps n' parties....a dreadful combination for anyone who works at kabooms. Atleast I got to skate. I once said ever since I started workin at kabooms that I hate kids. But today proved differnt. The little ones....so innocent. Watchin them al reminded me how i used to be back in my youngin' days. I took sumtime out of my stressful non stop work to teach sum kids how to do sum tricks skatin. I actually had a good time. Except for the brats that kept going through the cones and bringin drinks n' ice cream on the ring when i wasnt lookin! SPAWNS OF SATAN! but the others were real fun. The innocence of oe so young is such a treasure. It almost makes me sad knowing that they will grow up one day...and see the world as it is. But anywayz, I unfortunaly had to take the bus to get back home which stops me from bein able to go to Bren's even tho I doubt her "mutter" would allow it. But a nice long bus ride was pretty relaxing for me. I read alittle and just stared out the window fr a while and thought alot. I had like a....i dunno....like a moment of bliss or sumthin. I dunno what triggered it. All I know is all i wanna do today is just lay down, read n' listen to sum music. And prolly later go to an old friends house cause I keep tellin him im gunna stop by then i'll never do it cause i get home to late. So i thnk i'll do that. Ah, a highlight of my day was stealin Gary's starbucks coffe (HAHA!) hes a manager wth a stick up his ass. Sumtimes. But for the ost part, today wasnt half bad....I think I'm still in my moment of clarity so I'm gunna get offline and just relax a bit more. B4 I go there is a few things i gotta say: Of course, I miss U Brenna!!! and feel better Alyssa and and....um, ok maybe thats all. O yeah and, HOUSE PARTY AT DAVIDS on the 26th of may. All my buddies who be readin this call me up if u wanna go! open bar :) But I don't think I will drink much since Bren is comin....but u never know. Depends on the enviroment i suppose. Hmmm....a bunch of drunkards...ok we'll see. Thats all for now.